Respect the “kids”

Separation or divorce does not end your involvement and responsibility as a parent. Here are some ways you can help your children.

• When you begin to accept the separation then your children will be able to do the same. It is important that you get on with your life and not dwell in the past or hang on to any bitterness or anger.

• Ensure your children know you both still love them, and this will always be the case.

• Give your children the time to think about and express their own feelings about the other parent, even if those feelings are not the same as yours.

• Help your children discuss their feelings about the separation.

• Don’t criticise the other parent in front of the children.

• Avoid conflict in front of your children. No child wants to be in the middle of parental conflict.

• Be positive about the other parent when talking to your children.

• Be aware that children often tell you what they think you want to hear and sometimes what they say should not be taken too literally. A young boy who says when questioned about his time with his father  “I don’t like the food my daddy gives me to eat”, may just want to reassure their mother that they like living with them.

• Turn to other adults for emotional support rather than your children.

• Let your children know that even though separation is upsetting, you are handling it and things will improve.

• Talk to the other parent about your children and their interests.